Update

Looking back since I last posted I can't believe how many emotions I've been through since. I have just finished my second year and have been trying to sort out work etc but its very difficult especially when childcare is so expensive. At the end of November last year I went on to meet someone and it turned into a very bad experience, so much happened in such a short space of time. He was called Dan, and he moved in with me after a few months of seeing each other. I thought seeing as we lived in each others pockets anyway what difference would it make but oh yes a great deal!!
Im sure, many of you would agree everyone needs there own personal space I ended up with him so much that I almost lost my confidence and couldn't bear to be without him and that's not healthy. To cut a long story short things have dragged on and on and he eventually left on my deadline day.
We have seen each other since but the way we behave with each other is actually unbelievable, he brings out this whole other side to me one which I have never seen before. a very vulnerable but also angry person its like he send my mind into self destruct.
Maybe I have allowed him to keep entering my life because I think I gave so much of myself to him could I possibly do it again?
I wouldn't let anyone near my two again they loved having him there but I think I'm a pretty wicked mum they are lucky they have a gd relationship with there dad and even if he is a little pervy its nothing I can't deal with...
I thought if I moved out of the flat I shared with the kids dad then a fresh start would be a great idea like a whole new beginning. But you soon learn you can't erase the past no matter how much you want to. Memories bury themselves deep within your heart.
Thats half the trouble ...

Life moves on

It has been over a year and three months since James left,life moves you in directions you never expect. I am now a second year student at uni,and a womens representative. The kids are doing well, and they stay with there dad every other weekend. I can't say it dosen't hurt me to have to hand them over because it does. I never invisiaged my family life to be like that.I have to sacrifice time with them because of him. But I know it's in there best interest,they adore him and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I think I have learnt not to dwell on the past, afterall the past is the past and you cannot change it nor should you repeat it.For all those people who told me the pain would disappear and I would learn to live wthout him.They were right,I love him in a very different way now.He's living with his girlfriend and whether or not he actually knows what he's doing is questionable I hope he's happy.
The world of men has been a very new experience to me,having only dated James I've probably been very naive.But I 'm with someone at the momment and thye he makes me laugh and smile.Thats god enough for me.
Whether or not he turns out to be the one or not, I know I have two little angels who love me unconditionally, They are my driving force in everything I do.I want to create a future for them.
And as long as we.re 2gether I no everything will be ok.
I actually know who I am..